taking the birds out

8pm: Lying on the couch passed out watching episode after episode of 30 Rock on Netflix, debating the merits of going out. I was exhausted from a big night the night before (which included late-night food and cock-blocking this guy who clearly wanted to get in the pants of my friend who has a boyfriend), an early noon haircut appointment and a whole day with Roz in the sun (we went to the top of Buena Vista park - my favorite). I feel compelled to go out, among other reasons, because of this conversation:

5pm: (phone call with my mother while riding home on the 1)
"So what are you doing tonight?" my mother asks.
"I don't know, I'm thinking of maybe going to a Purim party, but I'm so exhausted," I say.
"I don't understand, why would you not go?"
"I'm exhausted, I've been out all day and I had a big night last night, and went out a lot this week."
"Uh, you can sleep tomorrow - why would you miss out on going out tonight?"
"Um, if I'm too tired I might not have that good of a time."
"Then have some coffee."
"I'm tired and I don't want to get the flu."
"Oh, you 'might get the flu.'" (mockingly)
"I'm serious! That's how I get the flu - I go out too much and don't take care of my body."
"I suppose. I just think if you have the opportunity to go out, you go out You can always rest later."
"But I've been out 5 nights this week - it's not the end of the world if I don't go out tonight."
"I guess. But you could meet people!"
"The party's at a loud club - I doubt I'm going to have a heart to heart with anyone or meet the love of my life."
"You never know."
"People don't meet the loves of their life at a loud club."
"You never know."
"I have a better chance of meeting the love of my life at the supermarket."
"Why the supermarket?"
"I don't know, anywhere."
"Ah, okay. Well you do what you want. It just sounds like fun."
This is my mother. Is it any wonder I am so restless?

9:30pm: I recover after ginger tea and decide to attend the party. It's a Purim costume party at Mighty, where I have only gone once, for my work's holiday party the year before last. My roommate isn't answering her phone, so I can't ask to go through her insane stash of costumes, and I have only one to choose from - my crazy Tippi Hedrin from the Birds costume from Halloween. I contemplate not wearing a costume at all, because attaching the ravens to myself is such a production, but that seems lame, and it's such a great costume, I might as well just go for it.

10:20pm: I call my friend to make sure she will be there before I arrive, so that I won't cab over and not know anyone. My friend says they are leaving really soon, so I start heading out to catch a cab, because she lives so close she'll definitely beat me.

10:45pm: I text my friend to see where she is. She responds, "We'll be there in 15." Ugh. Because of my amazing costume, every 5th stranger smiles at me, or approaches me with one of the following comments:
-that's such a great costume!
-are those real birds?
-aaaugh. those are scary.
-that's awesome. wait, what are you?
-omg are you Tippi Hedrin?

11pm: I run into a friend! Whew. Thanks for getting me out of the conversation with the hairy bare-chested man with a turban. What the hell was he supposed to be, anyway?

11:15pm: Watching belly dancers. My friend texts me to tell me she and her entourage have arrived, as a woman from the JCC with a clipboard has me sign the rights of my likeness away for photographs of me that have apparently been taken in the last half hour without my knowledge.

12am: I start talking to this costumeless guy who recently moved back from New York, who told me my costume was his favorite. I didn't know if he was flirting or if he was just being friendly because of the costume and killing time because his friends just left, until he starts touching my elbow.

drink 1: elbow touch, elbow touch, elbow touch.

drink 2: elbow touch, back touch, elbow touch, elbow grab, elbow hold, elbow touch, holding both elbows, waist grab, elbow touch, arm hold, back touch, elbow hold

drink 3: "You should give me your phone number so we can hang out." elbow hold, elbow touch, back touch, elbow touch.

1:30 am: The elbow-enamored gentleman departed, I am dancing hard with my friends to bad jungle/house/techno under a flashing strobe light. I feel like a tourist - this is so not my scene. I take the last of my birds off.