shlamazel

"Um, excuse me? Did you know you had something on the back of your jacket?"
"No...ewww. What is it? What color is it?"
Apparently it was the world's biggest cranberry juice stain on the back of my white coat. The bottle had cracked inside my handbag on the way to work, and the plastic bag I put it in apparently had a hole in it.
Awesome.
This sort of thing seems to happen to me more than other people.
The great wisdom of my ancestors indicates that I am a shlamazel. A schlemiel is the one who spills the soup; shlamazel is the one who gets spilled on. To be fair, I am a little bit of both, and beverage calamities seem to follow me wherever I go.

the replace a memory game

The concept had existed before, but my friend had actually given it a title.
When your friends are deciding where to eat, you can play the replace a memory game - you go somewhere that makes you sad to think about because of memories you had there with someone who broke your heart, and you create a new memory with your friends.
Since we were already in the neighborhood, and had had a few drinks, I decided we should get burritos and replace a memory, while singing the theme song from the Mary Tyler Moore show.

wikipedia fun

This unfortunately probably won't be around for much longer.
See Articles for Deletion.

Beerluck

Beerluck (edit|talk|history|links|watch|logs) – (View log)

Unreferenced article that appears to be completely non-notable. Quite possibly made up, and clearly unencyclopedic. Pyrospirit (talk · contribs) 20:35, 23 January 2008 (UTC)

• Delete as something made up one day. No sources of any kind to assert notability. DarkAudit (talk) 20:39, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
• Delete per WP:MADEUP. Only about 580 googlehits and most are either blogs or not in english .--Malevious Userpage •Talk Page• Contributions 20:51, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
• Delete. Very few hits on Google, nothing even close to a reliable source to establish notability. Doctorfluffy (talk) 21:47, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
• Do NOT delete. Etymological rules based on pre-existing usage would have preempted a vast majority of words now seen in common usage or idioms (i.e. Rule of Thumb) from entering the English language. While we must consider the negative influence of Recentism, as someone who has attended a beerluck, I can testify to their existence. --ashwin User:ashwinsodhi
  • Comment Anecdotal evidence is not sufficient. Wikipedia requires reliable, verifiable sources independent of the subject. None of that is here, or appears to be forthcoming. DarkAudit (talk) 22:52, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
• Delete, nonsense. Nakon 22:29, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
• Delete There are reasons that it is not common practice for people to sample a wide variety of beers. Back in 1995, my friends and I had a "beers of the world" party with six six-packs of beers, and it's like drinking different liquors. Instead of Tubthumping, the result is everybody getting sick the next day. At best, this is a variation on BYOB. Mandsford (talk) 01:22, 24 January 2008 (UTC) BTW, What do you call a party where there are different varieties of cannabis? Mandsford (talk) 01:26, 24 January 2008 (UTC)

breakup software

Breaking up is painful and messy enough. Your technology should make it easier to cope.
I submit the following ideas to cyberspace.

1. Facebook Breakup Application
Updates your page to indicate your relationship status as single or hides your relationship status altogether based on your preferences
Notifies your closest friends tactfully of the breakup through their news feed so that they can be sensitive without making you relive the experience by retelling the same story to all of your friends
Archives all photos tagged with both of your names together into a hidden folder that requires password to access when logged into your own account

2. Gmail breakup label
All threads from a sender can be selected and labeled breakup (or breakup followed by .any text i.e. breakup.jeffrey). When archived, all conversations are sent to hidden folder that is protected from user viewing or rereading them by password and mandatory survey that assesses the user's emotional vulnerability (check the box next to any of the following sad thoughts you have had today:).
Label preferences can be custom set to unprotect folder access within 60 days, 90 days, 6 months, one year or never, or to never be accessible between 9:00 pm and 7 am.

3. Gmail chat breakup mode
Contact can be selected as "ex" option under "Show in chat list." Options then appear for the length of time contact should be blocked (60 days, 90 days, 6 months, one year or never).
Editing contact preferences to unblock contact before the defined date requires user to complete mandatory survey that assesses the user's emotional vulnerability (check the box next to any of the following reasons for unblocking your ex:).
If user changes the same contact from "ex" to "auto" back to "ex" more than three times in a one-month period, contact will be automatically blocked for 60 days. To override, user must e-mail "breakup@gmail.com," which e-mails back a lecture about being strong, with links to inspirational articles about starting over, and a link labeled "are you sure you want to unblock this contact?" at the bottom.

4. Mobile WAP breakup application
Application prevents caller from dialing or smsing a selected phone number between 10 pm and 7 am.
Breathalyzer attachment prevents caller from dialing or smsing a selected phone number when blood alcohol content is over 0.1%.

what an insufferably long, horrible week. the kind of week that makes possible things like alcohol, drugs, one-night stands and las vegas. i wish it would just end already.

a break, or whatever

I'm fine.
I mean I'm always fine.
But ugh.

It sucks that I have to watch my roommate and her new boyfriend be insufferably adorable around the house. I mean nobody deserves it more than her, and I'm glad not to be home alone.
But ugh.

why is it always worse flying back from the east coast?

I arrive at the airport just after 7:00 pm for an 8:10 departure. Having gotten through security, I began rearranging my suitcase and moving certain items into a duffel bag so that my overstuffed carry-on could actually be stuffed into the overhead bin. I am just about to check to see if JFK had free wifi and grab dinner when I discover that my laptop has reached a temperature of approximately 90 degrees, on failing to standby, because I had stuffed it hastily into its case when I got the call that my airport transportation had arrived downstairs, and forgot to shut down some files that were on the network. I spend over twenty minutes trying in every way to shut down Excel and Word so I could get my computer to standby or shut down.

By the time I finish, I realize I only have ten minutes until boarding. I try to visit the ladies’ room but see a dozen or so women in line, so I decide to delay and try to find the fastest food option so I won’t be stuck on a cross-continental flight with nothing to eat when they run out of meatless sandwiches for sale on board. When I am served my two slices of Famiglia pizza, they tell me they are out of boxes.

Now I am really late, so I check the gate on my printed boarding pass, the corner slowly soaking up pizza oil, and run towards gate 22. Apparently, gates 19-24 are a shuttle ride away, so I hurry out to 20 degrees for the shuttle without putting on my coat. I arrive at gate 22 to discover that my flight is no longer at gate 22, and I realize I am a complete idiot for not taking the time to check a screen. I ask an agent at one of the desks to call gate 5 and tell them I am on my way. By the time I am back at the main gates (all the while carrying dripping pizza on a paper plate, passing Famiglia pizza on my way like a confused idiot, now wearing my coat, dragging my unreasonably heavy carry-on) they are calling the final boarding call for my flight, and telling the ‘final passenger’ they must arrive now. I am running as hard as I possibly can, sweating under thick layers of wool and wheezing, just in time to hand the agent my pizza-oil-soaked boarding pass, which he scans. Whew.

Forty minutes later, we are still taxiing on the runway, and are informed that we have conflicted with international departure rush hour, and are 40^th in line to take off. I call eight of my friends to chat and reach none of them, but successfully add last names to every contact in my mobile phone contacts. We depart 90 min late.

lessons learned on trip:

Black Cashmere scarf and white wool coat do not mix, resulting in sloppy, dusted-gray appearance despite all lint-rolling

If you are California native, turtleneck, wool sweater, wool coat and gloves are still inadequate on the Hudson among flurries in 20 degree weather. It is still cold enough to make you hallucinate

Reserving the Sheraton in Wehawken, NJ (a 10-min ferry ride to Manhattan) costs only 25% of the Starwood rewards points per night as the W New York in Midtown. It is about 6 times the size, and has a view of the river and Manhattan.

At a pool hall in between neighborhoods in Brooklyn, the waitress might not know what Stoli is. Or soda. Even though there are bottles of Gray Goose and Belvedere on display, and at most bars soda is a more standard mixer than seltzer

At a table with a lawyer, do not assume COPA- and COPPA-compliance are different pronunciations of the same online child protection act - they are actually two different acts, one against pornography and the other for privacy

Movie tickets at the AMC in Times Square cost $11.25. You would think this was crazy if you hadn’t been to the Kabuki in SF Japantown since it was acquired by Sundance ($3 Amenity fee? wtf.)