At the party

This guy was being unexpectedly witty, so we were talking and I might have almost been attracted to him until
Red Flag Number One: "I'm moving to Berkeley next week to live on my boat."
Uh, that's cool. Guess we're probably not going to hang out.
We're both back to the party and at 3:00 my cold starts telling me it's time to go home and sleep.
All of the sudden he remembers me.
"You're leaving? Don't leave."
"But I'm sleepy, I have a cold."
(Cue: first obvious moment borderline-sincere boy could ask for my phone number)
"That's good. Sometimes you've gotta put the body before the party." This is the sort of talk that made me think he was a winner.
We are laughing.
"But it's really important..not to lose the party."
We are laughing more.
Boy-with-girlfriend is giving my roommate some kind of a back rub. She is recently single, laughing and humoring him with a vague bitterness over the pathetic-ness of male that he is not doing much to prove wrong.
"Less thumb, boy-with-girlfriend," I say.
He tries to laugh it off as he teeter-totters on the edge of cheater-slut.
The guy is back up in my face giving me eyes this close and saying "Don't go, I want to kiss you." He goes for it before I even know what's going on. I get a mess of lazy rubberlip and tongue on my mouth before I turn to get away.
"What are you doing? There's too many people watching, it's weird."
(Cue: second cue for borderline-sincere guy to ask for phone number)
"Come on."
"It's weird. I feel like we're on stage." (Light in room we are in is on. Other lights are off.)
"Come on, play the part." Yikes. "Let's go make out."
He is pulling at my arm trying to get me to go into the backyard.
"I'm sleepy." This is true. More than my obvious qualms about kissing a stranger at a party who does not intend to ask for my phone number and just happened to realize his attraction for me when 3:00 AM rolled around and he didn't feel like going home alone, what I was really thinking about was how sleepy I was.
"I'll wake you up," he says. Ewwww.
"No. I'm sleepy."
Somebody asks him to close the back door. The cops are there. This is definitely the first college party I've been to since I graduated that was hosted by college graduates, complete with noise complaint, keg and fratboy-caliber makeout attempts.
He tries to pull me outside with him. I shake my hand free and he goes out back alone and closes the door behind him.
He comes back in 5 minutes later and proceeds to ignore me, and doesn't even say goodbye. That's what happens when you get in the way of a man with an agenda.

We get a cab on Fillmore and Oak and drop two girls off near Market and Church. In the taxi I say I hope my cold doesn't get any worse. The cab driver starts making jokes about how I have the heebie-jeebies. This is all fun and games until he drops the two of them off and it is just me and my roommate in the car, at which point he reveals himself to be completely psycho.
"I once had the heebie-jeebies, but I decided to have sexual intercourse with this woman anyway. Once I lost all that protein, I was all wrapped up in blankets and useless for days."
Because I am overly bold I partake in this conversation. Obviously a mistake.
He keeps turning his head all the way back to look at us and make jokes, all while driving 11 miles an hour, conveniently missing every light.
"Whoa, watch the road buddy," I say.
We are beginning to think he's drunk.
The relief of making it home alive leads us to tip him much more generously than he deserves. We hope he will buy himself something to help him sober up before he picks up anyone else.